could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
