I could make wine with my vomit
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
