I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
