I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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