brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
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Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
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I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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