Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
