Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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