your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
