I'm jealous of your bromance
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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