U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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