I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
