Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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