I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
