i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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