it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
