Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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