She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
