he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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