What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
