he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
