That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
