I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
