Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize