They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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