I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So much rum. So many feels.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
