ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
