woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
