i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
