My room smells like vodka and shame
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.