everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
