You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.