Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
