I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
