Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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