well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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