Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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