goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
