Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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