If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
