I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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