he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
