You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
