I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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