theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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