I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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