She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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