This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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