So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
