your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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