Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sext me about skeletons
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
