I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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