Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
