The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
