We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We were destined to go to rehab together
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
