i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You are the jesus of drinking
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
