Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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