Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
