This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
