I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
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We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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