I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
