just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
