Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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