Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
