I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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