I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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