This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
