By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
