wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She's the barista slut.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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