Banned from zoo.
Again?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
