Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
