Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
