im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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