Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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