Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I currently don't understand fingers.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
