I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i permit you to call me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
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i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
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We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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