I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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